Date: 3/26/2010 8:19:30 PM
Subject: [CASonline] Special Issue: REALLY Ugly Stuff

bb received a call from a a dear and old friend yesterday. She dialed a total of 8 times, pleading almost to meet up that very night to talk about Myanmar ( she and her husband worked there ) and the Dharma. Actually, bb has had teaching for a full 8 hours by then but felt so bad to turn her down. She said that her husband is arriving from the airport that very night and will give her a lift from the airport right to bb's house in Jurong West. Wow !! What friends !! So, bb popped a Zyrtec D for flu and Panadol for headache and fever and dragged himself home to wait for these old friends.
She said she really, really, REALLY, want to just see me and to say hello and how she missed me and my dear parents. And bb's parents were so grateful to them for being such gracious host to them in Myanmar. By 10:45 pm, ( she called at about 9:30 pm ) we pitched up our best coffee, scrapped the best goodies we have and prepared to send them home after our happy reunion, no matter how late.
The welcome knock came and bb and family scrambled out !! To our unbelievable surprise, they zeroed in only on bb !!
They told bb's daddy and mummy that they hoped to bring bb out for tea or coffee somewhere near but, please, please, don't tag along. Because they only, just only want to talk about the Dharma and about Myanmar. Err.... well .... they appeared a bit reserved and nervous despite the full bear hug Mrs Y. wrapped around bb.
Not knowing what to do and feeling so taken aback, bb trooped out in his slippers and t-shirt, no mobile, no wallet even !!
We landed in the coffee shop opposite ( below one of the many Singapore's HDB flat ).
They gave small talk and questions but appeared to be expectant of some later great revelation. The trained counsellor, bb awaits and talks, waiting for them to loosen up so that he can help them whatever way he could. Are they getting a divorce and thought to get bb to mediate ?? Is their business going well in Myanmar ?? bb has definitely dedicated for them whenever he could remember !!
Suddenly, a bearded man in Tibetan monk's robes strided in with an attendant.
Wait !! Isn't he the self-proclaimed "manifestation of Guan Yin" who organised the notorious Buddha Relic Exhibition in Singapore just a few months back ??!! No doubt !! He was the guy who bought advertisements in all our dalies to thank Phor Kark See, the Buddhist Lodge ( some of Singapore's largest and wealthiest temples ) and almost everyone influential but were so rudely rebuked by a counter-advertisement cum notice the next day from a collection of all these aforementioned organisations that they have nothing to do with him, his questionable "relic" circus and his fancy self-promoted title as Guan Yin's human form !!
He trooped to our table followed by his attendant monk, a fine Chinese lay lady and a strong, beefy Chinese gentleman ( bodyguard ?? ). My friends rose to their feet and gave a full curtsy. Hey !! Things are getting strange. Very strange.
"We are so sorry. We are truly very, very sorry to have lied to you and to have lied to you to come out like this. We only wanted you to talk face-to-face with our teacher. We need you to know the turth. Our motivation is good, It is pure."
bb is astounded. There, in a humble coffee shop in Singapore's extreme suburban west, bb has been tricked by his dear, old friends to talk to and be convinced by what almost every discerning Buddhist in Singapore, Malaysia, Taiwan, India, Nepal and all to be a complete fake, through and through !!
bb turned to his friends said curtly, "I believe i reserve the right to stand up and leave now. You people have betrayed my trust in you. You people lied."
bb's friends pleaded, "Please, please, listen to our master. He will explain, You must not believe the Dalai Lama. You must be fair to everyone."
Taking in my friends apparent naivety or foolishness, I turned back to the beaming bearded fake and shot,"Tell me where you got your thousands of coloured Buddha relics."
The physical reality of threat is not lost on bb. No mobile, no wallet, just trust and now, disgust and anger.
The bearded figure, seated in the cheap plastic chair of the dirty coffee shop beamed and pounded out with eloquence which probably managed to fool his many students, "Many, many devotees gave them to me. Nepal, Bhutan, India, China, Tibet. You name it. I have ANY relics you will ever want. Hey hey .... "
"May I know which monastery in Tibet gave it you ??"
"Err.... it is Ganden. Every Gelugpa accept my relic as genuine."
"I am sorry to cut you off. Can i know which monk in Ganden gave it to you ??"
"Err ..... it is my teacher. Sorry, it is not Ganden. It is Sera monastery"
"Can i know if anyone else knows your teacher possessed a Buddha relic and then gave it to you?"
"Err ... of course nobody knows that !! Who will tell others they possess a genuine Buddha relic ??!!"
"But, wait, you hosted a huge exhibition and advertised everywhere to let everyone think you have thousands upon thousands of relics !! Yet, here, you said nobody would tell others they have genuine relics !!"  
His face turned red and my friends appeared aghast at the exchange.
"Can i know which scriptural reference alluded to the existence of saliva, blood or brain relics of the Buddha ??"
"It is the Theravada tradition's Maha Parinibbana Sutta."
"I am afraid i cannot recollect this passage"
Now, he turned triumphant and hollered, "What you cannot remember does not mean it does not exist !!"
"Do you mean the Pali Canon ??"
"No !! There are other canons in the Theravada besides the Pali !!"
"I am really sorry to beg to differ but I am afraid the world knows only of existence of the Pali Canon of the Theravada tradition in Buddhism !!"
He was very angry at being questioned like this and through the corner of bb's eyes, he saw his attendant and couple shrank with fear.
"I will show you what is a real relic. XXX !! Take it out of your bag !!"
His attendant screwed open a petite crystal stupa and revealed about 4 ball-like objects, shining white.
"There, you see. Look carefully."
bb turned to his friends and said, "I do not wish to be part of this entire affair. You people have betrayed my trust and my friendship. I am thoroughly disappointed. I am leaving."
bb stood up and walked out of the coffee shop. The bearded being looked relief, maybe, as he need not answer pesky questions which he has no answers.
My friends ran after him but bb told him that he is a disgrace.
bb is wise to his tricks. How pictures could be snapped once he fingers the fake relics. Then, he will appear in their next booklet: former critique and President of CAS personally apologized and accept blessings cum relics from the incarnation of Guan Yin !!
Hey hey ... they have done this to Sri Lanakan Elders, the Most Venerable Denma Locho Rinpoche and anyone whom they could sink their claws into.
bb does not feel like being the next.
After sleeping through a fitful night of wild dreams, bb is so amazed that his miserable scribblings in CASonline could summon not just  Buddhas but also bearded things !!
What are they thinking ??
Yes ... we have received downright insulting emails and threats, giving us dealines to pull down our unkind though revealing articles about their fancy exhibition. ( We left them up there ).
They have threatened to report us to the police, under Singapore's draconian Internal Security Act for "disrupting social harmony and peace". And now, the angry and somewhat comical chieftian with his dirty, hairy stub has himself come, right to the coffee shop opposite bb's house.
In some ways, bb felt flattered - the bogus supreme head coming down to talk to bb, merely a modest English-Music teacher, albeit a Buddhist.
Is he expecting bb to be so easily bought over like my poor friends through quoting scriptural references which does not exist ?? Through speaking with such slippery eloquence ??
Hard luck, baby-beard !!   
  bb & every Buddhists @ CAS belonging to Truth, not beards. 
To my friends, I am sorry not to be fooled. You really should not deceive and lie so flawlessly to try to get me convinced by your bizarre "guru". How could you ??!! What a dirty trick to isolate me from my buddies and family in the middle of night and to turn up with these ??!!
Send me a hundred more. I could use more for my breakfast !!
I still am fully convinced that the relics are fake, your "guru" is fake, you people are deceived ( just as how you have so cleverly deceived me ). You people are damn deeply disappointing.....
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